note to self... never fall in love.  

i just got back from flordia. i had a BLAST! three really hott guys came up to me while i was in the ocean and asked if i would surf with them (that's what they were doing.. surfing) and i was like... uh, uh, no. lol. you should have seen their faces. they dropped from a big smile to a straight face. lol. i was shy. i was shy the whole trip. lol. then the one guy who really wanted to meet me was in the pool the next day and was like.. wanna come play a game with us? again.. i was like. uh, uh.. no. ha ha. so i got out of the pool and was laying out in the sun and he came up next to me so i wouldn't be lonley anymore and layed in the sun too. he wanted to take me to the movies but i was.. uh, uh, no. lol. but we watched one in the hotel. it was SAW by the way. incase you were wondering. his name was Grant. he said he would come and visit me. he can drive and crap. he gave me his phone number that way we can still talk. we're gonna be good friends i think. lol.

i got sunburnt. not as bad as jenni.. but still. it hurts. lol.  and i got a SUPER cool bathing suit.  it goes good with my belly ring. =D.

Oh.. and before i forget. ALL YOU PEOPLE TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME. YOU NEED TO FUCKING STOP! YOU HAVE NO REASON TO TALK SHIT ABOUT ME BECAUSE YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW ME! STOP CALLING ME A BITCH AND A HOE AND LEAVE ME AND CHRIS ALONE. MY FRIENDS ARE GETTING SICK OF YOUR CHILDISH ACT SO YOU NEED TO JUST GROW UP AND GET A FUCKING LIFE. and learn to spell my name right.
                  :+:ashlie:+:

do you know what it feels like to have dreams of where you are in a place where nothing can hurt you or nothing could break your heart or... a place where you know you're loved and wanted? what would you do if those perfect dreams of yours suddenly vanished by the over powering point of mere confusion, agony, hatred?  have you ever gotten so deep in the depression that you didn't want to wake up too see the next day of pain and torture and so you lay in bed watching the days go by in a blured daze? what would you do if everything bad came on to you at one time... and has yet gone away. drinking, drugs, sex, abuse... has all happen to you and hasn't quite stopped.  not the way it should have. heartache is another thing. have you ever thought about taking your own life because things get so bad and people tell you that it will get better when they know for a damn fact it won't. drugs.. they make a drug for everything.  even depression! now how the hell does that work. because i've been taking some very "good" antidepressants and you know what... i think it is just a fucking lie.  scientificaly proven to work my ass. they can't prove jack shit. there are people out there that think about killing themselves every single day of their waking moment. then there are others that try to make the best of thing even though they know there is no point to it. shattered dreams.. forgotten hopes.. broken hearts.. it's all part of life. but for some of us, it is our life.  does anyone know the meaning of life? is there a meaning to life? who really fucking cares? where here and a lot of people decide that life is too fucking miserable so they end it themselves. fuck the world. fuck all the poeple in it as well. to lose everything you ever had. the only ones you loved. even the ones that didn't love you back. all your dreams, wishes, hopes all shattered. a guy you love.. who doesn't love you back. then another guy comes along who you love... then you two have to be apart because it was hurting you both too much. then there is a girl, who you really liked.. but couldn't stay with. do you almost give up on the whole relationship thing but decide to give it one more chance. with a guy you have been going after for an oh so very long time. then all he says is.. fuck. hmm.. does that sound like a no or hell no? either one.. they both mean the same thing. what if memories were the only thing you had left? what if all the memories you had were bad? you should still keep them right? i mean. it's all you have left. but then again, what about your friends? what if what you was looking for was something your friends couldn't give you. what if it was something that probably didn't even exist. what if you say you couldn't life without your friends when you know for a damn fact that you could because you was living before you met them. and before you felt like total shit, that you wanted to be somewhere that had meaning and no pain, and you knew for a damn fact that you weren't loved and you still felt like that even afterwards. everyone tries to give you hugs when they think you feel awful. or say i'm sorry i know what you're going through. when if they really did know what you were going through then they would know that you wanted to be alone.. away from people, and away from the god damned world. do you know how hard it is too try and keep faith with god when shit like this happens? do you really know. or do you just think you do. let me ask one last question.. what would you do if you were me? but then again... it's just a question.
                                        :+:ashlie:+:

la la la blah blah blah.  who really cares. 

so how is everyone?  jenni is most likely spending the night with me tonight.  cool huh?  last night i spent the night with melanie.  that was so much fun.  i enjoyed every minute of it. =P.  well.. i'm going brain dead right this second so i better go.
                         :+:ashlie:+: